Out of all the mental health issues I’ve dealt with over the years -panic attacks, agoraphobia, depression, insomnia, social anxiety, trichotillomania – OCD in the form of persistent intrusive thoughts has by far been the most jarring, agonizing, embarrassing, disheartening, and depression-inducing condition I’ve had to cope with. 

It started when I was a teenager and it’s plagued me on and off for almost 20 years. 

Although it’s considered a chronic condition, like other anxiety disorders, it is treatable.  While it may not ever completely go away, there is a way to take control of how it affects your life from day to day. 

There is a way to outsmart it and achieve a degree of peace. You just have to put in some work to get there.

So what exactly are intrusive thoughts and where do they come from?

Here’s the best way I can illustrate it:

I once saw a comedian tell a joke about waiting for the train in the subway.  He said something along the lines of, “I was standing on the platform and I looked down at the tracks and said to myself, ‘I feel a little uneasy because I could jump down there when the train comes. But I’m not gonna do that.  I would never do that.” 

He might’ve even felt an impulse to do it.  But he wasn’t suicidal in the least. 

He was experiencing a random intrusive thought.

Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that come up that are genuinely scary, repulsive, unacceptably sexual, harmful, disturbing, or dangerous.  What characterizes them as intrusive is the fact that they are unwanted. 

They are the exact opposite of a person’s true values, character, and will.

They are thoughts that intrude the mind and cause distress.

What’s even more important to note is that people NEVER act on their intrusive thoughts, no matter how distressing, persistent, or concerning they are. Why? Because those thoughts are not in alignment with their actual will and decision-making processes.

They are basically counterfeit thoughts.

In the research and literature I’ve come across, there’s a debate as to why some people have persistent intrusive thoughts. There’s likely a genetic component to it, as some people have a greater propensity for worry and anxiety. 

And there are other theories which propose it arises as a result of a trauma or some other stressful situation. 

In my case, I believe both of those things were determining factors in the development of my OCD.

But there is one thing that is certain, and it gives me a lot of comfort and encouragement:

Just about EVERYONE has intrusive thoughts!  It’s not an abnormal phenomenon.  It’s a part of the brain’s interaction with the world.

The sweetest, most rational, well adjusted, “normal,” people you know have intrusive thoughts.  Let me paint a clearer picture:

Your favorite teacher has intrusive thoughts.  Your best friend who would take a bullet for you has intrusive thoughts.

Innocent children have intrusive thoughts.

Your favorite celebrities have intrusive thoughts.  Leonardo DiCaprio is one A-lister who comes to mind who has been transparent about his battle with OCD.

Jesus Himself probably had intrusive thoughts. When the devil tempted Him in the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights, He had to have been distressed by some of the thoughts that arose in His mind…

But here’s the question that I’ve battled with: 

If everyone has intrusive thoughts, why doesn’t everyone have OCD?  Why doesn’t my brain deal with intrusive thoughts the way some other people’s brains do?

Well, here’s what’s happening:

When a scary thought enters the mind, it immediately registers as an alarm and gets processed in the fear center of the brain, the amygdala. 

If someone were to walk up behind you in a quiet hallway and clap their hands together loudly next to your head without warning, you might jump and become extremely startled.

 But when you turn around and realize that it’s just your friend teasing you, your adrenaline stops running and you breathe a sigh of relief (or you might smack them) because you understand there’s no real threat of danger around you.

For the non-OCD person, the thought initially gets processed in the amygdala.  The thought may startle them to a degree, but then it is processed in the cortex as basically a non-threatening, nonsensical “trash” thought. 

They may laugh at it or go, “What the hell was that?” and then shake it off and keep it moving. 

The thought gets thrown out of the brain into the mental trashcan.  

The thought comes. 

The thought goes. 

And that’s that. 

End of story.

But for people with OCD, the thought causing the initial alarm gets too much attention.  “Oh my God, why am I thinking this?” “What does this thought say about me?”  “Am I a bad person?” “Would I ever do that?” 

Instead of filtering out, the thought cycles back and gets processed again in the amygdala. And then it goes back to the cortex, and then back to the amygdala, and then back to the cortex…

Some people even experience impulses or sensations. 

But this is all a deceitful mechanism of the mind to keep the fear cycle going when there’s no actual threat.

Generally speaking, those who experience persistent intrusive thoughts are also prone to general anxiety and depression.  And it’s not the thought itself that is the problem.  It’s the way a person treats, engages with, and responds to the thought that is.

Speaking from the perspective of one who deals with the disorder, I believe it is so tricky and difficult to deal with because it’s a holistic disorder. It deals with the whole self and how a person processes things and internalizes things emotionally.

A lot of the time the distress comes from not being able to clearly discern your fundamental sense of self.

Self-esteem issues and a general sense of self-doubt, in addition to pre-existing anxiety and depression, may play a large role in why a person is unable to shake their thoughts (I don’t have scientific evidence to back that, but that’s what my experience feels like).

OCD was actually known as the “doubting disease” for a while.  

Previous prolonged mental and emotional abuse where someone is made to question who they are and their importance, like gas-lighting (where someone is manipulated and made to question the truth) may also play a role.

The brain is shaped by abuse and trauma, and a person’s cognitive ability to cope with life after those unfortunate circumstances can be altered and damaged.  

An emotionally scarred and battered person mixed with an intrusive thought may spell big trouble.

Yet still, there are others who battle the disorder who  come  from otherwise healthy environments.  That’s where the genetic component may be at play.

Whatever the case, it’s important to note that there are certain circumstances and physical symptoms that may cause a person to be more prone to struggling with intrusive thoughts at a given time, like:

• During stressful times at work or school
• In the week leading up to and during a woman’s menstrual cycle
• During a major life shift – divorce, marriage, moving, etc.
• During extended times of isolation
• When skipping meals or consuming a high fat or high sugar diet
• While watching a TV show or a movie that triggers a previous intrusive thought cycle
• After sleeping poorly

When the intrusive thought cycle emerges, it’s good to reflect on your external circumstances to contextualize what’s going on in your mind.

Understanding the mechanisms at play allows you to see things for what they are and understand that you’re not crazy.  Rather, something uncomfortable, yet medically explainable, is happening to you. And you can start to talk about it with less shame and embarrassment.

Even if you’ve dealt with intrusive thoughts for a while and you feel it’s gotten “worse,” it’s easier to talk about what’s going on inside your head if you have an understanding that there’s not something fundamentally wrong or bad about you.

Fun fact: Most people with the disorder on an average deal with it for 15 years or more before they seek treatment!

When I built up the courage to seek professional help from an OCD therapist, I was almost 30. I was so afraid of telling the doctor my intrusive thoughts that I literally couldn’t open my mouth to tell her.  

I just started crying. 

But that was the wrong attitude to take because this disorder is experienced by so many people. 

The right attitude to take is that you’re a regular person and you can and WILL get better.

Millions of people have sought treatment  for their intrusive thoughts and recovered because it’s a very treatable disorder. 

The whole idea is not to stop or eliminate the intrusive thoughts.  It’s to treat them the same way our non-OCD brothers and sisters treat them.  

For OCD sufferers, the thoughts are mountains.  For non-OCD folks, they’re mole hills….

In the single best book I’ve ever read on intrusive thoughts (seriously, it’s a game-changer and therapist recommended), Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M. Winston, Psy D., and Martin N. Seif, PhD, they left me with this encouraging thought (among many):

…the fact that people with intrusive thoughts like yours have recovered and live normal lives proves that your situation is not as serious, crazy, or hopeless as it may currently feel.

If you deal with intrusive thoughts and don’t know what to do or who to talk to, I highly suggest reading Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts…more than once.  There are also resources and communities like the The International OCD Foundation and the Association for Behavioral & Cognitive Therapies that you can explore.

If you’re a person of faith or want to learn more about how faith and prayer can be incorporated into your treatment, see my post Prayer Posture: Learn how to Pray about Your Disorder.

Be encouraged.  A great life is on the other side of your intrusive thoughts.

If you know of any other resources or books on this subject, please let me know in the comments below!!!

Sincerely,

Alexia