Take a moment to visualize something with me:

Think about the last time you had a really bad day.

Now imagine that at some point in this day, you go outside to clear your head and try to shake things off.

It’s Springtime, it’s sunny out, and you find a beautiful tree to sit under. It’s blossoming with flowers and you can see the sun peeking through the branches when you look up.

You think, “Ahh, this is really nice. This is just what I needed.”

You close your eyes and take in a deep breath. As you exhale you slowly open your eyes.

All of a sudden you hear chirping and you look up to see the most beautiful blue jay perched above you.

You think, “Man! I haven’t seen a blue jay in a while. How nice.”

As you continue to look up and hear the melodic sound of nature, you see the blue jay ruffle its beautiful feathers.

It’s got your full attention, and for a moment you start to feel some real solace.

But as you continue to look up and feel the sunbeams on your face, you don’t notice as the little blue jay lifts its little tail feathers.

And by the time you realize what’s happening, it’s too late...

Yes. That beautiful creature of nature just dropped poop on your head. And you shout out in disgust, “Ugh!! I didn’t come out here for this!”

On a much deeper level, that’s basically what Job experiences with his friends.

If you’re not familiar with the book of Job, I highly recommend reading it in its entirety. It’s thought to be the oldest book of the Bible, and it showcases real trauma and real emotion.

There’s no sugarcoating.

It’s raw. It’s painful. And it’s profound.

Job is a wonderful man. Think of the sweetest man you know, and that’s Job. He’s caring. He’s humble. And he’s 1000% devoted to God.

So God favors him and blesses him with children, wealth, and perfect health.

But one day Satan comes to God with other members of the heavenly court and says “God, Job’s only faithful and devoted to you because you’ve blessed him. But if you took away all his blessings, I bet you he’d curse you to your face!” God says, “So be it,” and He allows Satan to destroy everything in Job’s life.

He destroys his wealth, murders all of his children, and then afflicts him with painful sores from head to toe.

Job then begins to experience the most epic grief and sorrow you will see in the entire Bible. He tears his clothes and shaves his head to symbolize his inner pain, and his season of mourning begins.

When Job’s friends hear about his tragedies, they rush to see him just like you’d expect any good friends would do. They grieve with him and sit with him in silence for seven days and seven nights as a beautiful display of comfort and compassion.

However,

When Job begins to talk about how he feels, their wheels of compassion slowly start to break down and fall off.

And just like that lovely blue jay, they start to drop some pretty yucky and merciless “sugar honey iced tea” on Job:

“Do not despise the discipline of the Almighty when you sin…”

“Your children must have sinned against God, so their punishment (death) was well deserved.” (Ouch!)

“You must’ve refused water for the thirsty.”

“You must’ve sent widows away empty-handed and crushed the hopes of orphans.”

“If only you would prepare your heart and lift up your hands to him in prayer! Get rid of your sins…”

All the while, Job maintains his innocence, which God knows is the truth. But it still doesn’t make taking the barrage of emotional abuse any easier.

Anytime Job makes a plea for understanding and empathy from his friends, they fail to deliver. Instead, Job gets statements like these:

“How long will you go on like this? You sound like a blustering wind.”

“When you mock God, shouldn’t someone make you ashamed?”

But Job bites back!

“What miserable comforters you are! I could say the same things if you were in my place. I could spout off criticism and shake my head at you. But if it were me, I would encourage you. I would try to take away your grief.“

I think he sums up everything wrong with his friends’ “counseling” when he says: You think you’re better than I am, using my humiliation as evidence of my sin.”

At the core of it, I think that’s the essential flaw with Job’s friends. They feel superior because they are “perched” on branches of ease above Job’s lowly suffering.

They feel their position is an indication that they’ve lived more holy than Job. They feel as though they are stronger emotionally and mentally and have to “school” Job on his immaturity, whining, and nonsense.

They’re incapable of sensing the depth of Job’s pain.

Have you ever had friends or family treat you like this? Shooting down everything you say? Refusing to validate you? Refusing to understand you? Refusing to learn about what’s going on with you? Trivializing you? All so that they can “perch” themselves above you?

I have.

If this is hitting home for you and you’ve felt confused about how you’ve been treated, know that this type of support is unhealthy. It’s just plain ignorant and wrong.

Job’s friends didn’t have the answers, but it didn’t stop them from being know-it-alls.

They stuck to their opinions and theories like glue. But in actuality, they had no way of conceptualizing how they would react if they were in Job’s position.

Who’s to say they would have even still been alive after suffering such major blows?

Perhaps one of the reasons God didn’t test them in the way He tested Job is because they wouldn’t have been able to withstand it.

But I guess we do have to give them some grace. After all, they didn’t have Jesus to look to for guidance, so they honestly didn’t know any better.

As for us, we should hold tight to Jesus’s second greatest commandment: Love your neighbor as you love yourself.

That means showing empathy. Show respect. Show understanding. Show compassion. Think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Pray with and for your friends who are down, distressed, depressed, or traumatized.

That’s what God commands of us.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

Be blessed,

Alexia