We’re often told to seek therapy if we’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or any other difficult circumstance. But rarely are we told how to carefully evaluate the people we’re told to share our most intimate and vulnerable life experiences with. 

Over the years, I’ve learned that not all therapists and psychiatrists are created equal, and just because someone has undergone training, has a degree, or belongs to a certain demographic, doesn’t mean they’re the best person to treat me. 

When you decide it’s time to get help, keep an open mind, and understand that professionals are completely human and may have their own issues.

If you pick your friends like you pick your fruit, you should pick your mental healthcare professionals like you’d pick a financial advisor.  

You wouldn’t trust just anyone to see over your finances, so don’t entrust just anyone with your mind and life. 

So here are some fundamental questions to ask yourself as you seek help:

1) Are they qualified to treat your issue?

 This requires honest self-examination. If you can’t be honest and transparent with yourself about your issues, you won’t seek out the right help. 

When I first started going to counseling as a senior in college, I went sporadically and talked just about academic issues or issues related to socializing with peers and dating. But I’d experienced significant childhood and adolescent traumas and had psychological issues that merited more than talk therapy.

I actually needed intensive psychotherapy long before I ever entered college, but at that stage in my life, I didn’t know how to show all my cards, even with myself.

 If you deem your issues short-term, related specifically to relationships, recent life changes, or some other issue rooted in present circumstances and you don’t fit any criteria for any diagnosable disorder, counseling (talk therapy) may be the right option for you. 

But if your issues are more deep-seated, rooted in past traumas/circumstances, or you have (or feel you have) a disorder, long-term psychotherapy would be more appropriate.

Clinical psychologists and trained psychotherapists take an interest in your life as a whole and can run tests, diagnose disorders, administer cognitive-behavioral therapies, and refer you to psychiatrists (if necessary) who are medically trained to administer medications.

Depending on what’s going on in your life, you may need to seek both counseling and psychotherapy (like me).

If you’re dealing with a specific issue like panic disorder or chronic insomnia, don’t be afraid to see a professional who treats those specific disorders.  

If you feel your issues are spiritual in nature, don’t be afraid to reach out to a licensed professional who focuses on spiritual issues. I recommend seeing a Christian therapist, but everyone has to do what’s right for them.

2) Do you feel comfortable with the person?

 I think the best mindset to cultivate after you’ve looked at a person’s professional qualifications and experience is “What’s my comfort level with this person?”

What’s your impression of your therapist or doctor?  Do you like the feel of their office?  Do they seem judgmental? Are they invested in getting to know about who you are as a person? Are they easy to talk to? Are they funny or down to earth?

Do they look at you crazy when you expose your vulnerable side or make you feel uncomfortable?

 I think these questions need to be asked across the board, whether you’re seeing a counselor, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist. 

And I think it’s very important to keep an open mind.

 In my experience,  the doctors and therapists I connected with the best didn’t fit the mold I or anyone else would’ve thought. 

My favorite psychiatrists were older men from Spanish-speaking countries. Despite our cultural differences, I genuinely felt they were caring individuals and prescribed me the right medications. They did an excellent job explaining to me why they prescribed what they prescribed and how the dosages worked in my system.

The best therapist I’ve ever had was an older Southern white woman. She was caring and funny and helped me tremendously in overcoming my debilitating panic disorder.

On the contrary, I’ve seen well-intentioned doctors who looked like me but said things that rubbed me the wrong way, like “Oh, you have OCD?  I don’t know why that’s so prevalent. Of all of the disorders, it’s the hardest one to treat…”-That psychiatrist made me feel worse and even more ashamed and hopeless than when I came in.

So my suggestion would be to cast your net wide when scoping folks out.  Be open to male and female professionals.  Be open to all races and ethnicities, even if you have a preference in mind.

3) Are they attentive and present?

I’ve gone to some professionals, while very sweet and agreeable, just didn’t seem to be very present and didn’t provide the best bedside manners.  They might’ve had a full schedule and were very flustered and stressed, or they would talk about other patients (without saying their names) during their sessions with me.

I’ve left some sessions and thought to myself, THEY need to be in therapy.

If you’re paying someone and scheduling an hour of your time to meet with them, they need to be able to give you their undivided attention.

4) Are they knowledgeable and can they share that knowledge effectively? 

This is a huge one for me.  I need to feel like my therapist is compassionate and empathetic, but if they’re not giving me concrete strategies to use or educating me, then what’s the point?

 I could just call my best friend if all I wanted was empathy.

 So ask yourself:  Does this person recommend helpful books and other resources? When they introduce a strategy or technique for your treatment, can they explain the research behind it? Do they know a range of strategies and methods?

Are they keeping up with the research for your disorder or issue? Do they really know their stuff?

No one person knows everything, but you should be comfortable with your therapist’s level of knowledge.

5) Are they punctual/respectful of your time? 

If you have to take time off from work to see someone, they should respect your time by being on time. 

If your appointment was scheduled for 4 pm,  and you checked in at the front desk at 3:40 or 3:45, the appointment shouldn’t start at 4:30. 

Nobody is perfect, and there are some days where a professional might have a tough time organizing themselves, but if it’s a consistent occurrence, that’s not good.

This isn’t as big of an issue during COVID where most people are teleconferencing, but it’s definitely something to keep in mind for future reference.

From my experience, I think this is a good starting set of questions to ask yourself when seeking professional help.

I have friends who’ve had bad experiences with one or two professionals and determined that they didn’t want to continue therapy at all, which is unfortunate.

I think the key is to just search until you find the right help. 

I wish I had known how to vet my mental health professionals sooner, but I guess experience was the best teacher for me.

I hope this was helpful! Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Sincerely,

 Alexia