“Rejection is God’s protection.”

That’s the phrase that we’re all told to internalize whenever we feel rejected, right? I believe it’s true. 

But when the sting of rejection hits, it’s hard to feel anything but hurt.

Rejection can wreak havoc on our psyches, causing increased anxiety, depression, and tragic low self-esteem. 

Unless we really examine and treat those wounds with care, they can paralyze us and keep us from seeing the true value we possess as beautiful creations of God.  They can prevent us from experiencing the joy, fulfillment, and contentment that we all want and deserve…

So when your heart is hurting, the tears won’t stop rolling, and you have all sorts of harmful (and untrue) thoughts flying through your head, follow these 5 steps:

1) Don’t run from your feelings.

Whether the rejection is romantic, job-related, or a social rejection, it hurts.  I mean, it truly hurts. Bad. Literally.

The same part of your brain that gets activated when you process pain, gets activated when you experience rejection. 

I tend to feel pain in my chest, and I experience hot sensations in my neck, shoulders, and back.

To feel rejected is to feel inadequate, unwanted, unlovable,  worthless, and defective, among other things. What’s worse is that in those moments when the rejection is fresh, your mind warps those temporary feelings and makes you believe they are permanent character traits.

You believe those false assessments are essentially who you are.

Next follows the hopelessness, despair and anxiety over whether or not someone will ever see value in you.

 Intense feelings of rejection can even bring on suicidal thoughts.  

But you have to keep in mind that those feelings aren’t real, they just feel real.  And it’s ok to give yourself time to process them. 

Cry. Punch something that’s safe to punch, like a pillow.  Call your best friend or trusted family member and vent.

Having someone sympathize, or better, empathize with you, will make you feel a teeny bit better.   Eventually the emotional bleeding of the fresh wound will stop.

2) Assess the truth

Psalm 30:5 says that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

You may not feel joyful exactly, but once the initial pain subsides, you can start to think a little more rationally and gain some optimism.

So she gave you the “It’s me, not you” speech. 

Your first thought might be, “She’s just not attracted to me and giving me an excuse.  I’m just not lovable.”  But if she didn’t actually say that, why would you run so fast in that direction with no real basis?

Here’s a thought:  She might actually be going through things.  She might be telling you the truth. She might be depressed.    

And so you didn’t get the job.  The person who interviewed you probably didn’t hate you and think you were stupid. 

Maybe the person they hired just had more experience.  God prepared that job for a specific person, but there’s an opportunity out there just for you.

Depersonalize the situation and examine the facts and possibilities.

3) Value the lesson

When someone rejects you or you perceive a rejection, that could be God’s way of teaching you how to love yourself unconditionally.

Because let’s face it, your value doesn’t come from other people. 

God gave it to you. 

And if you can’t learn to see the value God gave you without constant validation from others, you’re missing the point of your own life. 

Identify the wonderful characteristics about yourself and treasure what makes you unique.

Also,  if you were rejected romantically, you may be able to identify behaviors you exhibited that you may not want to carry into your relationship with your future spouse.

Or you may be able to identify red flags in others sooner… so you can nip those relationships in the bud before they even start!

This is where the phrase “Rejection is God’s protection” starts to make sense.

God safeguards your path by steering you away from certain people and places when you don’t know how to do the steering yourself!

4) Focus on your purpose

Once you’ve processed your feelings, and your blurred vision of yourself starts to come into focus, now you’re cooking with possibilities!

Ask God to direct your steps and pray to be more in alignment with His will for your life. 

Perhaps you’re an excellent baker.  You can start a baking delivery service and bring joy to your community and feel fulfilled.

Perhaps you have an idea for a cool new invention. Start researching and working on a prototype and get that idea patented!

Or perhaps you’ve always wanted to learn how to paint.  Maybe you can start a collection of artwork and sell prints online.

The bottom line is this:  Start moving and using those wonderful attributes of yours to help others and build your self-esteem.

While you’re focusing on your purpose, you may come across people (or “the one”) who value and cherish you the way you’ve always wanted to be valued and cherished.

5) Remember Jesus

Whenever you feel rejected, just think about all the rejection Jesus faced in His lifetime. 

Jesus was completely cast out of certain places. 

He was spit on. 

He was beaten. 

He was taunted by crowds of people.

And He was publicly murdered.

I can’t think of a more rejected person than Jesus Christ…

And why was he rejected?  Because He was doing the will of God that some people did not possess the capacity to understand or accept.

Yet did He internalize all the terrible things that were happening to Him? Absolutely not!

He prayed for those rejecting Him because they didn’t know who He was! They didn’t know His worth.

…And that’s exactly the case when people reject you without cause.  They don’t know your worth.  

But when YOU know who you are and Whose you are, those feelings of rejection will bounce off of you like a rubber ball.

You might take on the attitude of the disciples who celebrated the prospect of being rejected for the sake of Jesus Christ…

When you’re following Christ and fulfilling God’s purpose for your life, you’ll absolutely love everything about yourself and count yourself blessed to be able to stand tall in who you are in the face of rejection.

If you feel a sudden wave of sadness come over you, don’t be afraid to repeat steps 1-5.

And if you’re having serious trouble getting past rejection or you feel you’ve been repeatedly rejected over the course of your life, maybe it’s time to seek therapy.

I also recommend reading books like Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts by Guy Winch, PhD. 

I hope this was helpful! Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Sincerely,

Alexia